The Meaning of Bad

For those of you that were in the bible study on Wednesday you know I had a really strong reaction to Chapter 13 in our book.  I really only had a strong reaction to one section of the book and by now if you have read it I am sure you can guess where I got upset. For those who haven't read it yet I will put the section in this blog.  I have spent days thinking about this book and what I wanted to say and I wanted to be careful that I wasn't writing from anger, disappointment or shock. Every study we do is a teaching experience to help us grow in our faith journey and while we may or may not agree with everything that is written we must take the text before us and learn from our reaction.  By the end of our time with that book, chapter, or study we must find a way to take what we have been given and process the facts, find our own facts and come up with an answer that stretches our mind and strengthens our faith.

In Chapter 13, Lysa, discusses the concept of Mommy Guilt.  Now we know Mommy Guilt, exists because we all have it or have had it.  We guilt ourselves about not spending enough time with our children, we guilt ourselves when we snap at them, we guilt ourselves when we shoo them away and we guilt ourselves when we take time to be alone because we think we should be doing something for the children.  As we grow older and our children grow older we realize that we shouldn't have Mommy Guilt and that we are doing the best we possibly we can and every once in awhile we need time away from those precious bundles of joy.  Newer moms have a little bit longer to go on the journey of being freed from Mommy Guilt but they too will reach the freedom and happily pass on the knowledge to other moms. 

Lysa gives rules for the No More Mommy Guilt Club and Rule #1 is where I had problems:  "I will no longer be fooled into thinking that my kids came to me good and anything bad they do is a reflection of my poor mothering.  No, kids are bad when they come to us. They have the same sin nature that causes you and me to sin, and they need a Savior just as much as we do.  How else do you explain that sometimes great parents have rotten children and rotten parents have a great child?  I mean, even God, the perfect parent, had Adam and Eve, who had to be sent to the most serious time-out of them all...all the way out of the Garden!  Therefore, instead of pointing the finger at myself when they act bad or make poor choices, I will point them toward their heavenly Father.  I will assess what correction the kids need and administer that, but I will not let my kids' poor choices define me as a mother."  I don't have problems with the whole section. It is really like one statement: 'No, kids are bad when they come to us."  I disagree with that statement and I am surprised it was made.  As a mother I am careful not to tell Jack that he is bad but rather I tell him his behavior is bad and those are two very different things. So when I read this statement I really had to process it and learn from it and ask myself why it bothered me so much.  The answer is simple: I know children don't come to us bad.  One look in my children's eyes and I know it to be the truth.

Lysa uses Adam and Eve as an example of children being bad.  And I am going to throw out an idea that I had never thought of before until I started to do my own thinking and reading but what if Adam and Eve aren't God's children. I am going to pause for a gasp! God never refers to Adam and Eve as His children. God had one son and he was sent to earth to save us from our sins. "For God so loved the world that he gave his ONLY Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life." (John 3:16).  I spent my whole upbringing being told I was one of God's children and it was a concept I didn't really think about it too much.  I know I am one of God's people because I have chosen to be and I know he loves me but just because I am one of his people doesn't make Him my parent.  I do believe that we are all "children" of God but in Lysa's context I think there is a difference in raising your children and being a "child" of God.

God created man and woman from the dust and he created man in his image.  When Adam and Even ate from the tree of knowledge they didn't do it because they were bad, I believe they did it because they were curious. They were told they would be like God and have His knowledge. Yes, they disobeyed God but it wasn't out of malicious intent and when you describe someone as bad you are describing someone who is unfavorable, morally objectionable and mischievous.  Those words do not describe children. In Genesis Chp 6 the text refers to "sons of God" and I believe that to mean "Men" that God created and the daughters are referred to as daughters of men, men that were born not created. There is a  big difference here between created and born. And through the line of Adam, through birth, Noah was born and Noah was righteous. So righteous that he and his family were chosen by God to survive the flood and give birth to the new humankind.

I do agree that children are born with a sinful nature and it is the parents that teach the children to follow God.  Many times throughout the bible it is mentioned how important children are to the kingdom of heaven and how if you were turn even a child away from God you would be punished.  One of my favorite verses comes from Matthew 18 and it was the first verse I thought of when I read this chapter: "At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large mill-stone hung around his neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea." (18:1-4,6)

Knowing how important children are, can we really believe they are born bad?  Isn't our job as parents to guide and nurture them and pray that the sinful nature that is a part of us won't break through.  That we teach our children to know the difference between good behavior and bad behavior and show them that they are loved by us and they are loved by God.  If we aren't doing those things than we should have a big dose of Mommy Guilt.

Exceeding Expectations

I have been married to my husband for over 8 years.  I like that I can say "over" since our 8 year anniversary was in December.  It makes me feel older and wiser, even though the actual digit is still a single number!  I still have "arguments" with my husband, we still "disagree" about things and even after 8 years of marriage and 31 years of life (I have double digits there) I still call my mom when things aren't going right with Ross.  And I don't just mean he left the toilet seat up, went out for a weekend with his buddies and left me home with kids, I mean: Where is my life going?, Is he still the right person for me?, and Are we going to grow old together? kinda questions/fears/vents.  My mom always gives me the same advice: Don't have any EXPECTATIONS of Ross and accept him.  Don't EXPECT him to change because you don't want to. Don't EXPECT him to bring home flowers, by them yourself. Don't EXPECT him to read your mind when he doesn't even read his own! Don't EXPECT him to do everything exactly the way you have pictured in your head because then you ARE EXPECTING him to fail.  No Expectations.  Easier said than done.  But RIGHT!

As I was planning our last bible study on having a loving, intimate relationship with God, I thought how is that possible.  I say I love God. I say God loves me. But how do I know. I don't always feel that complete connection  I think I should. He isn't always the person I turn to first when there is a problem, even though I know I should. He doesn't always answer me or show Himself to me when I need Him. I can say the words but I don't always see the actions. And then it hit me: when you are achieving true intimacy with someone you are completely giving yourself to them.  Everything about you is put on the table. You bear your complete soul: the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly.  All of it is out there. And you hope your partner does the same to you. You take everything they have and love them for and in spite of it.

The same is with God.  You give yourself completely but you shouldn't expect anything in return.  We are blessed to have a relationship with God and He told us many times in the bible that he is always there for us and will take care of us. If we lose the EXPECTATIONS that He needs to prove his love to us by answering prayers in a certain and timely manner, by fixing our lives for us when they take a turn for the bad and that he needs to show us in physical ways daily how he loves us, then we can have the loving, intimate relationship we yearn for with God.  We will learn to take Him for everything he is  and love and cherish him just as he takes us and loves and cherishes us. 

Relationships are hard work and our relationship with God is no different.  As we nurture and grow our relationships with spouses, children, friends and family members we must also take that care in our relationship with God.  And in time it isn't work anymore...it just is. The loving and intimate relationship we have been craving is just a part of us. A part of our heart, our soul and our might.

 "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give your a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all you hear, I will let you find me, says the Lords, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you fall all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." ( Jeremiah 29:11-45)  This is part of the letter Jeremiah wrote to the exiles in Babylon letting them know that God was still watching out for them and he was still there for them and the should continue the live their lives how He has asked and when the exile is over he will come back for them.  Even when we don't feel God surrounding us every day and every minute as we nurture our relationship with Him we will one day come to the understanding that he is always with us.  Continuing to grow and nurture your faith journey will bring you closer to that understanding.

What are ways you grow and nurture your love, intimacy and understanding of God?