Grace Under...the Holidays!

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite Holiday.  Many people who know me would probably guess my birthday ( I do think it is a month long celebration) or Christmas because I love opening presents (there doesn't even have to be anything in the box, I just like opening them) but they would be wrong.  Every year when the leaves begin to change I look forward to the smell of Fall and the smell of a big turkey.  I hate that Thanksgiving comes at the end of the month and I have to wait soooo long to cook a wonderful meal that really only last about 20 minutes, at the most!  Apart from the dinner and the leftovers for days, I love Thanksgiving because that was the one day a year that my family would come together and spend the day cooking, cleaning, talking, watching football, playing football and getting stuffed with pie!  My dad is older than his siblings and had children many years before them so many times Thanksgiving was the one day a year where we would get to see everyone in one place.  I loved it and I really want that for my children. 

Now that I live in NC Thanksgiving is usually just Me, Ross and the boys. My parents are in NC for Thanksgiving this year but my mother has MS and if there is even a sniffle in the house they won't come. I have small children and it is November so the probability of no sniffles is very slim.  Last Friday, when I was told I couldn't visit the family farm because I had been sick, I was less then kind in the way I spoke to my mom and as I was speaking I knew I was telling the truth but did it really need to be that way?  Did I really need to point out that it was ridiculous that I would contaminate all the air around the whole 55 acres? Did I need to mention that we had decided to leave our kids to another family member (in the event of our death) because I didn't want a nanny raising my kids since, my mother couldn't be around sick kids (as I write these words I am still ashamed they ever came out of my mouth).  No, I didn't need to mention any of that but the idea of being banned from the farm was very frustrating and while I said all those "wonderful" things to my mother, she didn't say anything back.  She just continued the conversation as though I had said nothing.  Even when I called to apologize about 5 minutes later she told me there was nothing to apologize for.  That was Grace. 

I tie this to my thoughts on Thanksgiving because I really can't imagine not spending Thanksgiving with my parents but most of all I am Thankful because my mother reminded me that while we THINK we need to get our thoughts out at the exact moment, sometimes it is better to really think things through.  I knew the moment I got off the phone I was wrong.  I knew the moment I spoke the words, I was wrong.  I really wished in that moment I had God on speed dial so he could have whispered to me "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18).  My words were reckless but in my mother's grace I was able to heal and forgive myself.  In Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl, Lysa mentioned, "Grace doesn't give me a free pass to act out how I feel, with no regard to His commands. Rather his grace gives me consolation in the moment, with a challenge to learn from this situation and become more mature in the future.  Grace is the sugar that helps the bitter pills of confession and repentance go down without choking.". I was humbled when I got off the phone with my mom because through her God reminded me that even though I was upset and hurt I didn't really have the right to speak to my mom the way I did and I hope the lesson I learned is that when I am in her position I will be able to have the grace she did and let someone else off the hook.

As we go into to the holiday season surrounded the by the family we love, yet drives us crazy, as we stand in the long lines trying to buy that perfect Christmas present and as something goes wrong with the meal that took hours to make...how you do you propose we handle the different situations/conversations that will surely come our way, with the grace of God?

Does it happen by Happenstance or is God ALWAYS there?

I have been doing a bible study for about 5 weeks and it has been one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had.  When I realized it was ending next week I was saddened because I have come to rely on a group of women that are helping me discover my faith within myself and teaching me ways to trust in God.  I have been able to ask questions that I have never been able to ask before and I have seen so many nods of understanding that I have felt a sense of faithfully belonging that I have never felt before.  I have been truly blessed.  I felt even more blessed when Rev. Carol suggested continuing our discussions through a blog.  I thought it was a wonderful idea and I couldn't wait to discuss this in our session next week. Then something happened...something I have never experienced before and after I texted my good friend about it, I decided tonight was the night to start my first blog that I hope becomes OUR blog.  I hope you will join in this journey with me and continue discussions that have led to wonderful revelations and understandings. I hope you will want to join me online as we did in person and maybe we can even extend to others who were unable to do our study with us but were longing to join us.

Our bible study is about being more than just an actual bible study.  Our study is about taking what we have watched, learned and discussed and applying it to our everyday lives.  While it seems simple enough it is actually very hard to put into practice, especially when the real world begins to take over.  We have discussed how we have an "uncontrolled thought life" and as women we have to ANALYZE every little detail over and over and over again.  Did I say over and over again?  Well, today I fell victim to my uncontrolled thought life and even though I did everything I could do regarding a situation I still kept thinking I had failed somehow because I wasn't the right person to help someone else in need.  As I lay in bed, next to my peacefully sleeping son, I sighed deeply and said it was time to hand it over to God.  Hand it over to God...not a statement I take lightly and something I have never actually done before.  Many of you have mentioned many times that you hand things over to God and you feel a weight lift from you and you feel free.  I knew that was what I needed to do. I breathed in and I asked God to take over my thoughts. I told him I knew I had done the right thing and I needed him to take over.  Nothing.  Nothing. Nothing.

A little bit later I spoke to my good friend and she told me that she was proud I had handed it over to God but it might take longer than 5 minutes for the weight to be lifted.  It seems God is unaware that I am a person of immediacy.  I do have a 1 and 4 year old after all, my life is all about the here and now! 

About 5 hours later...he answered me.  It was amazing because he answered me on Facebook.  I didn't know God knew how to use Facebook but then again I should have never doubted in the first place.  When I saw my answer my weight was lifted and I was finally able to move on.  I knew I had made the right decision and God answered my prayers.  My mind flashed to a section of our bible study where the author mentions others may thing she is "over justifying" in faith because she thinks Gods answers are everywhere.  Everything she seeks is God.  Some say things are happenstance. I usually say things are happenstance.  Today was not happenstance.

My question to you:  Do you believe things that happen in your life (things that surprise you) are happenstance or are they God working all around you?  Also, do you think you can "over justify" through your faith?  Remember there are no wrong answers!